The 2013 Academy Awards was a smooth ceremony. Some highlights of the night were: quotes by Host, Seth MacFarlane, Jennifer Lawrence's face-plant, Anne Hathaway's melodramatic acceptance speech, Helen Hunt's H&M get-up, and lastly lets not forget that Kristen Stewart has now switched over from Twilight to meth. For now, lets start from the Red Carpet and see which Celebrities took advice from their stylist and which ones went rogue...Here's the Good, the Bad and the Fugly.
LOVE - THE - LOOK!
1. Amanda Seyfried - Custom Alexander McQueen Gown
I really liked this custom Alexander McQueen gown worn by Amanda Seyfried at the Oscars. It reminds me of a Mid-summer nights dream with the floral accents and hint of lavender coloring. It really fits well to her body and with all the embelleshments on the dress, I'm glad she was simple with the hair and jewelry.
2.) Sandra Bullock in Elie Saab
Girl got it right with this Ellie Saab Dress right from the runway. The dress looks great on her figure and I love the ornate beading throughout the dress. I'm glad Sandra, like Amanda, kept it simple with no excess bling... it's classy. If I ever were to look as good as Sandra Bullock when I get up to 48 years old, it would probably require some serious lifestyle changes for me from now up to then. However, considering my inability to inhabit any form of willpower, I'll probably just be cruisin around in one of those automatic scooters at a walmart somewhere....woof.
3. Jessica Chastain in custom Armani Prive
I am diggin this Armani Prive Dress on Jessica Chastain. She has the perfect amount of curves to pull of a glamorous cut like this. I love the champagne coloring and the asymetrical design of the glitter on the dress, which adds more dimension. With a dress like this on a fair-skinned red-head, you would think it might wash her up, but the birght red lipstick gives her the boost she needs to pull off a look like this.
4.) Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture Dress
Despite being the ultimate blame of her face-plant on the stairs while going on stage to receive her award, this gown looks beautiful on Jennifer Lawrence. I know there are mixed feeling about her looking like a bride, ect., but I think she looks so elegant. I may have a biased opinion considering she is now one of my favorite actresses thanks to Silver Lining's Playbook, but I love the dress. I mean, if I had this dress back in the day for my senior prom, I'd be able to hide an entire keg in plain sight - just sayin..
5.) Jennifer Garner in custom purple Gucci dress
I just love this color purple on Jennifer Garner, it is absolutely stunning. Mind you, i'm not a huge fan of the mohawk located down the spine of the dress, but I must say for an A shaped body type, the mohawk gives her some curvature that she otherwise wouldn't have. All in all, very pretty and it gave us something different to look at for a change.
W. hen T. hey F. ail
...There's always a few that wander off the beaten path of style...
1.) Holy Banana-Hammock! Jane Fonda wore the Yellow Submarine!
Oh Mwoy FONDA you've done it again! Is it me or did Big Bird just perch for a picture on the red carpet? I don't mind the cut of the dress, but man that's a lot of yellow. She looks like like she got dunked in cheese before her red carpet debut. I think I'll call her Jane Fondue from now on...
2. Anne Hathaway Hath Withered Away into an Oscar
Anne Hathaway presented herself on the red carpet looking like she hasnt eaten anything since the actual storming of Versailles. I get that she had to lose weight for the part, but hasn't the movie been over for half a year now? Anyway, it's not so much about the body as it is about the dress. Did she really beam her you-know-whats around all night for everyone to see or do you think that she's really an undercover fem-bot? Either way, it made me nervous and so did the lining of her dress. The dress being cut straight down without some sort of flare at the end or train, makes her look like an old school polly pocket. I feel like I can just pick her up and place in the shallow hole in front of the stage to recieve her award...or she was aiming to look like an oscar, maybe she dreams to BE the award!
3. Naomi Watts Has a Grim Reaper Fettish
In any other cut I would say this dress is pretty, but she went for the "I just had a hot night with the Grimm Reaper" look instead. I mean whats the point of a cut like that other than to say: "yeah, I'm showing you this one because it's the bigger of the two." Dont get fancy with a cut-out dress like that. If you needsomething to cut, I hear Kristen Stewart has one good foot left...
4.) Hally Berry is stuck in the roles of her past
After playing a Bond Girl, Cat Woman, and Storm from X-Men, Halle Berry can't seem to get away from the tight pleather jumpsuits of her past. Although these kind of suits are not fit for the red carpet, she did find the closest resemblance to it, with this sci-fi, shoulder-padded, alien-like costume. She may have wanted to act in the way of her past roles and was just suiting up incase she needs to fight any villianous crimes, but unfortunatley the only crime committed at the academy awards was her with this dress.
5.) Kristen Stewart, What Happened To You?
Is it just me or did Kristen Stewart show up to the oscars on methamphetamine? I understand she cut her foot on glass before the Oscars, but unless she cut her brain stem, I cant give her an excuse for ruining this possibly beautiful look by roughing up her hair and avoiding all eye-contact with the press. One thing she did help with, however, is that she inspired me to write a song called Kristen Stewart's Limp. PS - Did anyone see her present the Oscar with Daniel what's-his-face from Harry Potter? It was painful - and I'm not just saying that because of her foot, I think it was more painful for the audience to watch her fidget like a rabid squirrel. Just look at those hands move - it's like she's rolling a meatball!:
And I'm not the only one that believes the drug theory. I was going to create my own image, but I found this gem online:
Since President's Day is around the corner, lets take some time to reflect on the many faces of our nation and highlight the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly.
Without delving into a history lesson, or having to cite every fact about each president. Here are a few memorable moments from more recent years that are worth sharing.
Obama Strikes back!
This was a GREAT moment at the 2012 Commencement Dinner when Obama strikes back at Donald Trump's accusations over Obama's true country of Origin. After releasing his "birth video" as proof of his origin, it was clear from the audience response that Obama had indeed trumped Trump. Barak: 1 Trump: Toupe
President Clinton Introduces Nominated film "Lincoln" at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards
This was a feel good moment and I was happy to see a President introduce this movie as it represented a crucial moment in Presidential history. I still haven't seen Lincoln, but I definitely will. It supposedly was very historically accurate, a little long, but worth it to see.
Memorable Speeches from JFK to Clinton
Yeah I had to throw in this gem. How perfect for Presidents Day to have a compilation of important speeches made througout history? I have to say, it plays as a reminder of the strides we have made in history with the influence of these leaders. Ok, im done with the nostalgia over politics! Now for the dirt.
Now that we have seen some proud moments from our Presidents, I feel much better about showing the not-so-proud moments of these candidates:
President Bush's "Victory Salute"
One of the many not-so-proud moments of this middle-aged Texan Candidate. Flipping the bird while the camera is rolling and babbling like a big-mouth bass.
Clinton Tells a Fib
If by saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" really means "I did have sexual relations with that woman," you would be telling the truth...either way, Monica Lewinsky got fired from the whitehouse and now she really understands what it's like to "aint got no bills."
Deep Throat Had a Big Mouth Too
Silly Nixon, spying is certainly not your forte
How did he win the popular vote?
Beating around the bush again I see....
This one is self-explainatory...
Bushin this kid's buttons
This little baby has spoken on behalf of every state but Texas
You've got a great Barakside
It's Valentines Day, which means it could be a great day for you...or if your single, this day may feel like the Apocalypse. If your in a relationship, good for you. Enjoy your flowers, chocolate and free dinner - must be nice, eh? For the rest of you single, sad, and loathing folks, this post will help you see the light at the end of this crippling, tunnel of loneliness that you are in. Prepare for a new outlook on this incriminating day of love with these special Valentines Day Fails, hand selected by me- Cheers!
When you are feeling lonely on Valentines Day just remember:
Even Justin Bieber's relationship failed.
2. If you are wishing that you were in a relationship, just think:
Being stable with yourself is better that being unstable with someone else...
3. Always remember that although you may not have a life partner, you have people that love and take care of you.
4. Feeling Rejected, is better than being rejected:
5. If you're single, you never have to be put in this awkward situation...
...or this one....
6. And if you ever were in a relationship before, you have wisdom that others don't...which means you can see through the bullshit:
it's the wisdom seen above that will prevent you from doing this:
Studies show that tattoos last 60 years longer than the average modern relationship. With that said, lets hope you out-live this person by a long shot.
7. On Valentines Day, it's hard not to reminisce on past relationships...
....But then you see the old photos, and realize you are much better off this way...
...and at least you had past experiences to compare to and grow from, because the otherwise your love life would be something like this:
8. When you are single and lonely on Valentines Day, it may seem like the worst day in the world. However, if you think you're having a bad day - just think about a day in the life of Nicholas Cage. Once you do, you will know what it's like to have a really bad day, or like 7 bad days a week:
9.) Things could always be worse, right? You could have been dating this guy:
10.) So what are you gunna do? Are you going to go home and cry about the fact that you may ultimately die alone? The answer is: NO....because crying makes you look ugly and you'll never find a date that way. Learn from these sloppy sobbers:
Claire Danes: Homeland Security
Kim Kardashian: Cry Baby K
Britney Spears: Oops, she's crying again
Sloppy Sammy Sobber
Ann Hath No Way Out
Julianne Moore Tears
Lindsey is Losin it
Chris Brown Noser
So without further ado, embrace this day for what it is. Use this day as a great excuse to drink too much, or eat a ton of chocolate. If you would rather feel sorry for yourself, fine by me! Take the chocolate that you bought yourself, and that bottle of booze that youre drinking strait from the paper bag and listen to these soul sucking songs:
R.E.M. Everybody Hurts
Eric Carmen - All By Myself
Bobby Viton - I'm Mr Lonely
Celine Dion - Nothing Broken But My Heart
Worst Dressed at the 2013 Grammy Awards
The Grammy Award Show has always been an event in which the red carpet never fails to surprise. The music industry is all about the portrait of the artist, and many singers and songwriters use this opportunity to outwardly express themselves through style. However, this is not necessarily a good thing. It seems in the past few years, the Grammy's red carpet has become more and more outrageous - as if it were a competition for who can catch our eyes the fastest (even if it means wearing scales). I will hand it to the artists who do challenge their reputations with outrageous "get up," because it does work in a sense where they become the most talked about people the day after. For those fearless, or semi-insane celebs that turn the red carpet into the true walk of shame, this post is for you.
Gumby Got a Sex Change
Katy Perry took the red carpet by surprise when she waltzed in wearing a skin tight gumby suit. It looks like certain areas didn't quite fit into the vaccum tight spandex, so when it ripped, Katy had to get creative and use her Grandmother's brooch to pin the top back together. What Perry wasn't expecting was that a special someone would be all about the green suit, telling her constantly that her body was "wonderland."
Katy Perry's Green Dress certainly brings meaning to John Mayor's song "Another Kind of Green."
Mama Cass? I Thought You Were Dead....
Ok, I do love Adele. I think she has a beautiful voice and a beautiful face, but everytime I see this picture of her at the Grammys in this Peasant, Partridge Family dress, I can't help but see the reincarnated Mama Cass from 60's group the Mama's and Papa's. Adele, instead of setting fire to the rain, can you set fire to this dress? If you dont, Rumer Has It You might be Rolling in the Deep...
Looks Like Janelle Monae Left the Bullfight Early
Janelle Monae showed up for her Red Carpet moment dressed like a matador. I am guessing she thought where better to have a bullfight than on the RED carpet? Perhaps she's trying to symbolize the idea that she's grabbing the bull by the horns? Whatever it is that she is trying to do with this look, I don't get it. In fact, it's utter bullsh*t.
No Palm Reading is Necessary to Know That This Dress Will Be A Red Carpet Fail
Tamia hit the Red Carpet looking like a Charm off one of Mr. T's Chains. Too much gold and draping in the dress. Let alone, when I look at this costume I am reminded of those old fortune telling machines that you'd pay a nickel to hear a creepy dummy doll (dressed like Tamia) read your fortune. I thought it was a waste of a nickel then, and my opinion hasn't changed. Better luck next year, Tamia, although if you keep the same stylist you have now, I can foretell your future looks dim.
Florence Welch Puts New Meaning to Swamp Monster
UGHHHHH! What made Florence Welch wake up the morning of the Grammys thinking: "Wow, I can't wait to appear on the Red Carpet looking like Gillman, the Creature From the Black Lagoon!" If intimidation was her tactic, It has certainly worked. I can justify the color and the sequins and sparkles that are on the dress, but I can not get past the the thorny cones jutting out from the chest and arms of the dress. I mean, come on, someone is going to get hurt by those things and I don't just mean physically, I mean, mentally and emotionally tainted. The only thing I have learned from Florence Welch and her tragic display on the Red Carpet is that maybe dinosaurs are not extinct after all and that Gingers, in fact, do not have souls.
Hunter Hayes Has A Twin!
Hunter Hayes has established himself as an up and coming artist for 2013, performing at the Grammy's last night with Carrie Underwood herself. Since Bieber set the stage for Tween boys to be the heart and soul of American Culture, it's only fitting that Hunter Hayes, decked himself out in a suit of sparkles. After all, what better way to say I'm an under-age teen boy with a love for theatrics than with a suit of sparkles? What we did not expect from Hunter a last night's Grammy Award Show was that he would be bringing his Identical Twin Brother with him:
Best Dressed Award for the 2013 Grammys
Rihanna in Red
I loved this sheer red dress worn by Rihanna at the Grammys. With her hair back to a normal looking style (Finally!) and with the elegant flow of this dress, she rocked the red carpet. It looks like Rihanna may have finally taken tips from J-Lo's hair and Beyonce's stylist which is always a good thing. What I was most concerned about Rihanna's outfit was:
Was Rihanna's Dress red before she went to the Grammy's with Chris Brown and what kind of bleach does Chris use because it seems to be working wonders!?
After spending over 35 hours stuck in my house due to the driving ban placed by the Government for this Blizzard called "Nemo," I've had a lot of time to reflect on my surroundings. By reflect, of course, I mean that I pondered why I ever liked snow as kid. What was it about this white, cold, wet and back-breakingly heavy heaps of ice that made me look out the window and feel joy all around me? Now, I look out my window at the 3 feet of snow covering the ground, and I think about how that 3 feet of snow is depleating me of a social life this SATURDAY NIGHT! I also realize that I'll probably be shoveling my way to an untimely death and I'll be feeling cold and bitter through it all. You see, I live with my parents. I know, I know, but it's true. Had I not had to shack up with the rents, these problems wouldnt be as bad because instead of being guilted into shoveling, I'd probably be drunk, in my pajamas, and surrounded by others who want to sit and complain about the snow. Instead, this is my life, I hate the snow and I'm so bored that I'm actually blogging about how much I hate the snow. SO since I can't entertain myself, I might as well entertain you people by bringing you back to the days as a kid where you once liked snow, and then showing you the harsh reality of how horrible snow really is. Enjoy, whatever.......
What Snow Days Felt Like as a Kid:
What Snow Days Feel Like Now:
Snowhere to go, Snowhere to turn, Snow point of trying...
What Snowmen Meant to You as a Kid:
What Snowmen Mean to You Now:
The life-span of a snowman is short, don't get attached.
Sledding as a Kid:
Even if I didnt get whip-lash, I'm still wet, I'm still cold, and I'm still miserable
What Making Snow Angels Was Like as a Kid:
What Making Snow Angels Means Now:
I drank too much, I fell asleep, I will regret this in the morning...
What Eating Snow Was Like as a Kid:
What Eating Snow Is like Now:
1 Simple Rule: Don't eat it. Period.
What Snow Ball Fights Were Like as a Kid:
What Snow Ball Fights Are Like Now:
If this looks fun to you, you should probably talk to somebody..
What Shoveling Snow Was Like as a Kid:
What Shoveling Snow Is Now:
What Drinking in the Snow Was Like as a Kid:
What Drinking in the Snow is Now:
"Dude...sooo weird, I can't feel a thing!"
...And that, my friends, is the difference between Adults and Kids....
With this big Noreaster approching, its always key to cover your tracks for a weekend stuck inside. What I do first is Stock the liquer cabinet - that is the key ingredient to my spiked snowcones which always makes for a good time. If your not into that or afraid of finding out that the yellow snowcone you've been eating is not lemon flavored or artificially colored, then maybe these next few things will work better for ya...
Just kidding! A for effort but wow - who has the time to do this? More importantly, why spend day after day effortly carving this masterpiece when it is made out of SNOW!? I mean, what happens when all that work melts? What happens when that gigantic puddle floods every basement within a square mile? Am I the only one stressing that the lights set up around it could very well speed up the thawing process? Pray for LED and on to the real stuff...
1.) Mission Impossible The Sh*t Out Of Your Escape Plan
Hey, it's worth a shot if you've got somewhere to go... or are running from the law. No one likes feeling stuck, but then again, the thought of exerting all of that energy on an escape when I have a freezer full of tequila and margarita mix right at home, seems a tad bit pointless.
2.) Make The Best Of What You Have
Make a Fridge out of snow for beers and drinks. It will keep your drinks cold and your buzz going! Just simply pack the snow down and builld from the base up. Trust me, its worth it. But if you're lazy like most are just do this:
3.) If You Want To Get Outside, Be Creative:
Just try not to look like a pedophile...
4.) Learn From These Mistakes:
Believe it or not, when things freeze, they get slippery. You don't want to be the person who slips and eats the pavement! You want to be the person that is laughing at the person who slips and eats the pavement. It's just soooooooOOOooo much easier to find humor in the brutally painful, yet epic fails of another than those of my own.
5.) If You Are Going To Report, Make Sure You Fully Abort:
American Idol is just finished filtering through the bad talent and ready to take next steps to Hollywood. Unfortunately, this is usually when I loose interest in the show... I mean after watching years and years of talented singers fight to the top, I find the most entertainment resides in the singers that sink to the bottom. By this, of course, I am referring to the first weeks of fails from the season. The unique underdogs with excruchiating vocals who against all odds, still manage to perform for the judges in their most honest and rarist of form. These individuals are where the real entertainment lies - lets be honest, who wants the good when they can have the bad and the ugly!?
High-pitched and Shrill...Like a Virgin?
We found this gem from the very first American Idol back in the day. This is Keith - who reminds me a great deal of my ex-boyfriend in the flambouyant sense...but seriously, Poor Keith. So full of hope and inspiration from Madonna; the drag queen herself. He even grew out his hair for this gig! After Keith sang what seemed to be the sound of a pig getting slaughtered, Simon Cowell shot him down faster than a fly in karate kid! So Keith, maybe your talent isnt in singing, but reality television looks good on you!
Bum-Buddies, Bush Babies, and Medium Vocal Days
Brace yourselves for this odd couple with a surprisingly optimistic outlook on their future in Idol. I almost feel bad about the fact that I was in stitches laughing through this entire video because of how confident they were that they could succeed despite the fact that niether one of them would have made it if they were related to Cowell himself. Although I was horrified that Simon compared Kenneth to a species of Monkey, I couldnt help but think the same thing myself. I mean, the resemblence is kinda uncanny... for those who need a clearer understanding of the animal Kenneth was compared to, here goes:
Something about the look in their eyes, I wouldn't mess with them...Stay tuned for the show:
Watch Out Simon: When Bush Babies Attack!
Mary, Mary, Quite Scary
This is Mary Roach and she sounds like she just passed the roach, if you know what I mean. I was glad to hear that Mary Roach had a back up plan to becoming famous seeing as she didnt seem to sway the judges in the way that she swayed her hips..Nothing can speak more volumes that the awkward silence that trailed this perfomance let alone her attempts to justify that Simon was turning her down to get on her nerves. I have this new saying I came up with after watching this clip: Red Shirt, Red Flag, Run. I just hope those voices in her head can sing better than she did and I would say next time she signs up for something, it should include a room with white, padded walls.