If you're wondering why my posts have been scarce these days, it's because I was off being fabulous at the 2013 Platform Show in Las Vegas. If you don't know anything about the show, it's part of a convention called Magic where various Fashion brands come to Vegas and display their newest lines for next season's retail. Platform refers solely (no pun intended) to the convention involving only shoe brands and is held at the Las Vegas Convention center. In other locations in Vegas there are other conventions withing Magic such as the ready-to-wear clothing section called Project. I spent most of my time at Platform because, well, I'm in the shoe business and I happen to love shoes! Anyway, before I get to the glitz and glam of this trip, let me go back to the beginning and start with the flight from hell I took to get there.
The Flight
Let me just say that I never LOVED to fly. I don't mind flying for the most part, but if I had the option to sprout a pair of wings and fly myself to Vegas, I would choose it over the cabin of recycled air, bad food, crying children, and the horrendous smell of body odor coming from the weirdos sitting next to me. From my experience, these things tend to come as a package with any flight. So as I was saying, I get to the airport and feeling drowsy as I usually do in the mornings, afternoons, and nights after a bender, and I go slowly through security until I reach the destination of my gate and took a nap. I woke to the sound of my flight being boarded and I pushed a few old people out of my way to make the front of the line and take my seat. I took another nap...until all hell broke loose.
It had seemed that so far my journey was a smooth one. However, as I was tired for the beginning of the flight, I hadn't noticed that in the window seat in front of me and the window seat behind me sat two children, two 2-year olds.
I woke up to the sound of screaming children 2 hours into my 6 hour flight. I was a bit annoyed, but I realize these things happen. I was trying to control my annoyance, when the little screaming child behind starts kicking the back of my chair. First off, the kid was only 2, but she had legs of steel because it felt like my chair was one of those massage chairs at the nail salon when you accidentally switch the mode to karate chop. I couldn't take the beating anymore so I turned around and (very passive aggressively) asked the child's mother if she was ok and mentioned that "in case you didnt know, she had been drilling into the back of my seat for a half hour now." Thinking this confrontation would end the kicking immediatly, I turned around, put headphones in, and tried to watch TV.
5 minutes later, I feel a pull on the left sleeve of my sweater. The little girl was now pulling my sweater from behind the chair and laughing. She got her nail stuck in the threads of my sweater and then began to slowly unravel my sleeve as she pulled away. I grabbed my sweater and turned back to her mother to say "excuse me, she is pulling my sweater!" and the mother (who was around my age and oblivious to the intolerability of her child) smiled and said "I think she likes you!" I was livid. I smiled and tried to resume the show I was watching, but seconds later, I feel a pull on my hair coming from the back window seat (of course). I quickly pull my hair from the child's grip and lean into the girl next to me away from the child. However, even after releasing my hair, I felt it being pulled. It is at this point where I realize the kid had stuck her lollipop in my hair and it was dangling from my head. I could have died, I was hot, bothered, annoyed, crankly, and now with a sticky lollipop stuck in my hair that took out half of my strands when I had to pull it out. I turn once again to the mother and say "your daughter just got a lollipop in my hair. I am trying to rest and it is hard with her pulling on me." The mother answered "yeah, she does that sometimes, I think its that she likes you." Then she turned and resumed talking to the man sitting next to her. I could feel myself boiling up with anger as I continued to swat away the sticky hands that kept trying to grab me.
..and if you think this flight was horrendous so far, you will not believe what happened next...
Another half hour goes by which makes us about 3 1/2 hours into the flight, when I feel something dripping on my arm. I don't have to look to know its the little girl sabotaging my flight again. I look to see what she had dripping on me and noticed she was drinking milk from a bottle and it smelled like it had curdled. I was sick, physically nauseas, and mentally close to a psychotic break. I say to the little girl "No I do not want that, that milk is dripping on me - give it to your mom." The child just smiles at me with a hint of pure evil gleaming in her eyes and throws the entire bottle onto my lap where the cap comes loose and the milks spills all over me. I yelled - not just a startled yell, but I yelled with the anger more powerful than the fire of a thousand suns. I whip my head around and stared at the child, then at the mother and say "I'm sorry, but I have had enough. Your child has been ruining my flight for 3 hours now and I understand that she's only a kid and probably antsy to get off this flight, but it is your job to control her from kicking my seat, pulling my hair, and spilling milk on me." The mother just laughed and said "ok, no problem!" But it was a problem. I went to the bathroom to try and wash the disgusting milk off me and splash water on my face. Just as I was approaching my seat I overhear the mother saying to her child, "Honey I'm sorry, mommy has no milk left, she left her pump in the suitcase." After hearing this it was if the world started spinning around me. All I could think of is the milk that had spilled all over me was breast milk. breast milk. Seriously WTF!? I turned around and ran into the bathroom because I was pretty sure I may be sick.
And that began my trip to Vegas....
The Hotel
Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas
After checking in to the Hard Rock Hotel, I rushed up to my room to shower the previous flight right off me and get going to the Platform show. Although my day of travel was horrendous, my experience at the Hard Rock proved that my day could only get better. When I checked in, the woman at the front desk asked me if I had planned on having a smoking room. I told her no, I needed non-smoking. This request worked in my favor because there were no non smoking rooms available in the standard rooms and she had to switch my room to a Suite free of charge! I went up to my room and opened the door to this:
...and this...
Oh, and this...
...my view...
Lastly, at night I got to see this..
So now that I am done bragging, I can tell you that I really only spent minimal time here because I was at the show, but all and all pretty suite huh?
The Show
I went to the Platform Show located at the Las Vegas Convention Center. It was AMAZING! I have never seen so many shoes in one place in my life!! The show was set up in this huge white room and white lighting which really made the colorful shoes on display stand out like eye candy. The show was set up so that there were numbered aisles split up by category (dress shoes, comfort, ect) and each aisle contained booths for each brand attending in which they would display their spring 2013 and fall 2013 styles.
Here are some images provided by the Platform Website
I attended the show as a buyer, which meant I would approach specific brands and ask if they would like to sell their product on our site, shoeline.com. Of course, this cant always be easy when your awkward like me, but I made it work- pheww! I did find myself wandering around the maze of booths and getting lost and turning around and then having to stop and map my way out. I got really lost on the lower level and I must have passed by one booth about 5 times, staring desperatly at my Platform map for a way out when I overheard one of the younger representative say to another "Dude, this girl is definitely lost..." I was embarassed, so I pretended to call someone on my phone to make it less awkward and ended up talking on the phone to no one in between meetings from that point on. Sometimes its better to pretend you have friends and an idea of where you are at these things, even if it means having a fake phone conversation with a made up person who happens to be really interested in what you do and also thinks your pretty damn awesome.
The second day was very busy. My boss and I were in meetings with clients all day. I got to stop by the booths of clients whose product we already sell and take a look at whats in store for the Spring and Fall 2013. It's really cool to be able to see the product before it is seen by the public, I can get a good idea of whats in style and can then get a head start on whats trending for next season and look better than everyone else - ha! One booth I really enjoyed was the Isola booth. They had the cutest pumps in all different styles and colors. Isola is a brand that I have fallen in love with on shoeline.com, here are some of their past styles:
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Unfortunately you can't see what they have for Spring 2013 until they make the line public, so keep checking shoeline.com to see the newest styles from Isola!
Shop Isola HERE
So that's my trip to Las Vegas for 2013 Platform. For more information on the MAGIC Marketplace, PLATFORM and any other shows hosted by MAGIC, Click HERE!
Since President's Day is around the corner, lets take some time to reflect on the many faces of our nation and highlight the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly.
The Good
Without delving into a history lesson, or having to cite every fact about each president. Here are a few memorable moments from more recent years that are worth sharing.
Obama Strikes back!
This was a GREAT moment at the 2012 Commencement Dinner when Obama strikes back at Donald Trump's accusations over Obama's true country of Origin. After releasing his "birth video" as proof of his origin, it was clear from the audience response that Obama had indeed trumped Trump. Barak: 1 Trump: Toupe
President Clinton Introduces Nominated film "Lincoln" at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards
This was a feel good moment and I was happy to see a President introduce this movie as it represented a crucial moment in Presidential history. I still haven't seen Lincoln, but I definitely will. It supposedly was very historically accurate, a little long, but worth it to see.
Memorable Speeches from JFK to Clinton
Yeah I had to throw in this gem. How perfect for Presidents Day to have a compilation of important speeches made througout history? I have to say, it plays as a reminder of the strides we have made in history with the influence of these leaders. Ok, im done with the nostalgia over politics! Now for the dirt.
The Bad
Now that we have seen some proud moments from our Presidents, I feel much better about showing the not-so-proud moments of these candidates:
President Bush's "Victory Salute"
One of the many not-so-proud moments of this middle-aged Texan Candidate. Flipping the bird while the camera is rolling and babbling like a big-mouth bass.
Clinton Tells a Fib
If by saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" really means "I did have sexual relations with that woman," you would be telling the truth...either way, Monica Lewinsky got fired from the whitehouse and now she really understands what it's like to "aint got no bills."
Deep Throat Had a Big Mouth Too
Silly Nixon, spying is certainly not your forte
How did he win the popular vote?
Beating around the bush again I see....
The Ugly
This one is self-explainatory...
Bushin this kid's buttons
This little baby has spoken on behalf of every state but Texas
You've got a great Barakside
It's Valentines Day, which means it could be a great day for you...or if your single, this day may feel like the Apocalypse. If your in a relationship, good for you. Enjoy your flowers, chocolate and free dinner - must be nice, eh? For the rest of you single, sad, and loathing folks, this post will help you see the light at the end of this crippling, tunnel of loneliness that you are in. Prepare for a new outlook on this incriminating day of love with these special Valentines Day Fails, hand selected by me- Cheers!
When you are feeling lonely on Valentines Day just remember:
Even Justin Bieber's relationship failed.
2. If you are wishing that you were in a relationship, just think:
Being stable with yourself is better that being unstable with someone else...
3. Always remember that although you may not have a life partner, you have people that love and take care of you.
4. Feeling Rejected, is better than being rejected:
5. If you're single, you never have to be put in this awkward situation...
...or this one....
6. And if you ever were in a relationship before, you have wisdom that others don't...which means you can see through the bullshit:
it's the wisdom seen above that will prevent you from doing this:
Studies show that tattoos last 60 years longer than the average modern relationship. With that said, lets hope you out-live this person by a long shot.
7. On Valentines Day, it's hard not to reminisce on past relationships...
....But then you see the old photos, and realize you are much better off this way...
...and at least you had past experiences to compare to and grow from, because the otherwise your love life would be something like this:
8. When you are single and lonely on Valentines Day, it may seem like the worst day in the world. However, if you think you're having a bad day - just think about a day in the life of Nicholas Cage. Once you do, you will know what it's like to have a really bad day, or like 7 bad days a week:
9.) Things could always be worse, right? You could have been dating this guy:
10.) So what are you gunna do? Are you going to go home and cry about the fact that you may ultimately die alone? The answer is: NO....because crying makes you look ugly and you'll never find a date that way. Learn from these sloppy sobbers:
Claire Danes: Homeland Security
Kim Kardashian: Cry Baby K
Toby MaCrier
Britney Spears: Oops, she's crying again
Sloppy Sammy Sobber
Ann Hath No Way Out
Julianne Moore Tears
Lindsey is Losin it
Chris Brown Noser
So without further ado, embrace this day for what it is. Use this day as a great excuse to drink too much, or eat a ton of chocolate. If you would rather feel sorry for yourself, fine by me! Take the chocolate that you bought yourself, and that bottle of booze that youre drinking strait from the paper bag and listen to these soul sucking songs:
R.E.M. Everybody Hurts
Eric Carmen - All By Myself
Bobby Viton - I'm Mr Lonely
Celine Dion - Nothing Broken But My Heart
Worst Dressed at the 2013 Grammy Awards
The Grammy Award Show has always been an event in which the red carpet never fails to surprise. The music industry is all about the portrait of the artist, and many singers and songwriters use this opportunity to outwardly express themselves through style. However, this is not necessarily a good thing. It seems in the past few years, the Grammy's red carpet has become more and more outrageous - as if it were a competition for who can catch our eyes the fastest (even if it means wearing scales). I will hand it to the artists who do challenge their reputations with outrageous "get up," because it does work in a sense where they become the most talked about people the day after. For those fearless, or semi-insane celebs that turn the red carpet into the true walk of shame, this post is for you.
Gumby Got a Sex Change
Katy Perry took the red carpet by surprise when she waltzed in wearing a skin tight gumby suit. It looks like certain areas didn't quite fit into the vaccum tight spandex, so when it ripped, Katy had to get creative and use her Grandmother's brooch to pin the top back together. What Perry wasn't expecting was that a special someone would be all about the green suit, telling her constantly that her body was "wonderland."
Katy Perry's Green Dress certainly brings meaning to John Mayor's song "Another Kind of Green."
Mama Cass? I Thought You Were Dead....
Ok, I do love Adele. I think she has a beautiful voice and a beautiful face, but everytime I see this picture of her at the Grammys in this Peasant, Partridge Family dress, I can't help but see the reincarnated Mama Cass from 60's group the Mama's and Papa's. Adele, instead of setting fire to the rain, can you set fire to this dress? If you dont, Rumer Has It You might be Rolling in the Deep...
Looks Like Janelle Monae Left the Bullfight Early
Janelle Monae showed up for her Red Carpet moment dressed like a matador. I am guessing she thought where better to have a bullfight than on the RED carpet? Perhaps she's trying to symbolize the idea that she's grabbing the bull by the horns? Whatever it is that she is trying to do with this look, I don't get it. In fact, it's utter bullsh*t.
No Palm Reading is Necessary to Know That This Dress Will Be A Red Carpet Fail
Tamia hit the Red Carpet looking like a Charm off one of Mr. T's Chains. Too much gold and draping in the dress. Let alone, when I look at this costume I am reminded of those old fortune telling machines that you'd pay a nickel to hear a creepy dummy doll (dressed like Tamia) read your fortune. I thought it was a waste of a nickel then, and my opinion hasn't changed. Better luck next year, Tamia, although if you keep the same stylist you have now, I can foretell your future looks dim.
Florence Welch Puts New Meaning to Swamp Monster
UGHHHHH! What made Florence Welch wake up the morning of the Grammys thinking: "Wow, I can't wait to appear on the Red Carpet looking like Gillman, the Creature From the Black Lagoon!" If intimidation was her tactic, It has certainly worked. I can justify the color and the sequins and sparkles that are on the dress, but I can not get past the the thorny cones jutting out from the chest and arms of the dress. I mean, come on, someone is going to get hurt by those things and I don't just mean physically, I mean, mentally and emotionally tainted. The only thing I have learned from Florence Welch and her tragic display on the Red Carpet is that maybe dinosaurs are not extinct after all and that Gingers, in fact, do not have souls.
Hunter Hayes Has A Twin!
Hunter Hayes has established himself as an up and coming artist for 2013, performing at the Grammy's last night with Carrie Underwood herself. Since Bieber set the stage for Tween boys to be the heart and soul of American Culture, it's only fitting that Hunter Hayes, decked himself out in a suit of sparkles. After all, what better way to say I'm an under-age teen boy with a love for theatrics than with a suit of sparkles? What we did not expect from Hunter a last night's Grammy Award Show was that he would be bringing his Identical Twin Brother with him:
Miley Cyrus
Best Dressed Award for the 2013 Grammys
Rihanna in Red
I loved this sheer red dress worn by Rihanna at the Grammys. With her hair back to a normal looking style (Finally!) and with the elegant flow of this dress, she rocked the red carpet. It looks like Rihanna may have finally taken tips from J-Lo's hair and Beyonce's stylist which is always a good thing. What I was most concerned about Rihanna's outfit was:
Was Rihanna's Dress red before she went to the Grammy's with Chris Brown and what kind of bleach does Chris use because it seems to be working wonders!?
After spending over 35 hours stuck in my house due to the driving ban placed by the Government for this Blizzard called "Nemo," I've had a lot of time to reflect on my surroundings. By reflect, of course, I mean that I pondered why I ever liked snow as kid. What was it about this white, cold, wet and back-breakingly heavy heaps of ice that made me look out the window and feel joy all around me? Now, I look out my window at the 3 feet of snow covering the ground, and I think about how that 3 feet of snow is depleating me of a social life this SATURDAY NIGHT! I also realize that I'll probably be shoveling my way to an untimely death and I'll be feeling cold and bitter through it all. You see, I live with my parents. I know, I know, but it's true. Had I not had to shack up with the rents, these problems wouldnt be as bad because instead of being guilted into shoveling, I'd probably be drunk, in my pajamas, and surrounded by others who want to sit and complain about the snow. Instead, this is my life, I hate the snow and I'm so bored that I'm actually blogging about how much I hate the snow. SO since I can't entertain myself, I might as well entertain you people by bringing you back to the days as a kid where you once liked snow, and then showing you the harsh reality of how horrible snow really is. Enjoy, whatever.......
What Snow Days Felt Like as a Kid:
What Snow Days Feel Like Now:
Snowhere to go, Snowhere to turn, Snow point of trying...
What Snowmen Meant to You as a Kid:
What Snowmen Mean to You Now:
The life-span of a snowman is short, don't get attached.
Sledding as a Kid:
Sledding Now:
Even if I didnt get whip-lash, I'm still wet, I'm still cold, and I'm still miserable
What Making Snow Angels Was Like as a Kid:
What Making Snow Angels Means Now:
I drank too much, I fell asleep, I will regret this in the morning...
What Eating Snow Was Like as a Kid:
What Eating Snow Is like Now:
1 Simple Rule: Don't eat it. Period.
What Snow Ball Fights Were Like as a Kid:
What Snow Ball Fights Are Like Now:
If this looks fun to you, you should probably talk to somebody..
What Shoveling Snow Was Like as a Kid:
What Shoveling Snow Is Now:
MMMMMMMust...Get....Out...Of...Here...
What Drinking in the Snow Was Like as a Kid:
What Drinking in the Snow is Now:
"Dude...sooo weird, I can't feel a thing!"
...And that, my friends, is the difference between Adults and Kids....
"The last time I expected to see such large
quanities of snow, I was watching the
E True Hollywood Story on Charlie Sheen"
With this big Noreaster approching, its always key to cover your tracks for a weekend stuck inside. What I do first is Stock the liquer cabinet - that is the key ingredient to my spiked snowcones which always makes for a good time. If your not into that or afraid of finding out that the yellow snowcone you've been eating is not lemon flavored or artificially colored, then maybe these next few things will work better for ya...
Feeling Ambitious?
Just kidding! A for effort but wow - who has the time to do this? More importantly, why spend day after day effortly carving this masterpiece when it is made out of SNOW!? I mean, what happens when all that work melts? What happens when that gigantic puddle floods every basement within a square mile? Am I the only one stressing that the lights set up around it could very well speed up the thawing process? Pray for LED and on to the real stuff...
1.) Mission Impossible The Sh*t Out Of Your Escape Plan
Hey, it's worth a shot if you've got somewhere to go... or are running from the law. No one likes feeling stuck, but then again, the thought of exerting all of that energy on an escape when I have a freezer full of tequila and margarita mix right at home, seems a tad bit pointless.
2.) Make The Best Of What You Have
Make a Fridge out of snow for beers and drinks. It will keep your drinks cold and your buzz going! Just simply pack the snow down and builld from the base up. Trust me, its worth it. But if you're lazy like most are just do this:
3.) If You Want To Get Outside, Be Creative:
Just try not to look like a pedophile...
4.) Learn From These Mistakes:
Believe it or not, when things freeze, they get slippery. You don't want to be the person who slips and eats the pavement! You want to be the person that is laughing at the person who slips and eats the pavement. It's just soooooooOOOooo much easier to find humor in the brutally painful, yet epic fails of another than those of my own.
5.) If You Are Going To Report, Make Sure You Fully Abort:
"I don’t want anything from
you for Valentines Day in
the fact that I don’t want
anything that costs less
than a fortune."
Seeing as it is award season and celebrities are being talked about left and right, I figured it most fitting to make this next post all about celebrities. But why stop there? Why not add in some animal pictures...and wait! Why not add in Animal pictures that could pass as Celebrity doppelgangers? Now we're talking...
Now this is just an emPARISment!
Why so scared Paris? Is it because I compared you to an oversized bird? Don't worry Girl, you're not alone! according to wikipedia, "Ostriches can live in groups of five to 50 birds" Looks like you're doppleganger can be a socialite too! It seems the only true difference between Paris and her Doppelganger buddy is that "Ostriches can go without drinking for several days" and well...Paris can't :-(
Bruce Isn't the Only Baldy With an Intense Stare
Is it just me or did I just find the perfect body double for Bruce Willis in his new Die Hard movie? Think about it...they are both bald, all american, and have a vengence to kill - well at least Bruce does in movies!
Robert DiBearo
I must say I never thought I'd compare the tough, crime-fighting, and talented Robert De Niro to this helpless breed of bear, but in his old age he has developed a certain likeness to this mammal that I just can't ignore. Despite the hard outer shell, De Niro has a softer side - like this Koala Bear. See De Niro's true colors come out in his newest film "The Silver Linings Playbook." I wont tell you everything, but I will say it was nice to see the old man cry in a movie. If I could have been there, I woulda given him a big Koala bear hug.
Now What's All the Blubber About?
Lindsay Lohan has convinced me that she actually is TRYING to turn herself into a fish. The media must have really offended her because she is gradually puffing out like a blowfish that feels threatened. I would have compared her to a baboon with the lips alone, but since she probably has wet-brain already from years of drinking like a fish, what more fitting than this pale bubble blower to be her doppelganger? Am I being mean? Sorry Lindsay, you are what you drink...:-/.
Deconstructing Hairy
Ok before everyone and their mother gets mad at me for picking at Woody Allen, know that I love his work and respect him as a screenwriter. In his defense this monkey is trying to look like Woody Allen and therefore Woody Allen is still Woody Allen. However, this monkey shows some resemblence.. only in the skin, nose, ears, eyes and hair, soooo....
Praying Swinton
Tilda Swinton, meet your doppelganger, Praying Mantis. For anyone who thinks I am stretching this one out a bit ask yourself:
Does she have bug eyes?
Does she have a long neck?
Does she have a triangular shaped face?
Do you wonder if she eats her mates?
Does she creep the heck out you?
If you have answered yes to all of these questions, you agree with the similarities above. If I have not swayed you yet, I will now:
I mean SERIOUSLY...is this not the same picture!?
American Idol is just finished filtering through the bad talent and ready to take next steps to Hollywood. Unfortunately, this is usually when I loose interest in the show... I mean after watching years and years of talented singers fight to the top, I find the most entertainment resides in the singers that sink to the bottom. By this, of course, I am referring to the first weeks of fails from the season. The unique underdogs with excruchiating vocals who against all odds, still manage to perform for the judges in their most honest and rarist of form. These individuals are where the real entertainment lies - lets be honest, who wants the good when they can have the bad and the ugly!?
High-pitched and Shrill...Like a Virgin?
We found this gem from the very first American Idol back in the day. This is Keith - who reminds me a great deal of my ex-boyfriend in the flambouyant sense...but seriously, Poor Keith. So full of hope and inspiration from Madonna; the drag queen herself. He even grew out his hair for this gig! After Keith sang what seemed to be the sound of a pig getting slaughtered, Simon Cowell shot him down faster than a fly in karate kid! So Keith, maybe your talent isnt in singing, but reality television looks good on you!
Bum-Buddies, Bush Babies, and Medium Vocal Days
Brace yourselves for this odd couple with a surprisingly optimistic outlook on their future in Idol. I almost feel bad about the fact that I was in stitches laughing through this entire video because of how confident they were that they could succeed despite the fact that niether one of them would have made it if they were related to Cowell himself. Although I was horrified that Simon compared Kenneth to a species of Monkey, I couldnt help but think the same thing myself. I mean, the resemblence is kinda uncanny... for those who need a clearer understanding of the animal Kenneth was compared to, here goes:
Something about the look in their eyes, I wouldn't mess with them...Stay tuned for the show:
Watch Out Simon: When Bush Babies Attack!
Mary, Mary, Quite Scary
This is Mary Roach and she sounds like she just passed the roach, if you know what I mean. I was glad to hear that Mary Roach had a back up plan to becoming famous seeing as she didnt seem to sway the judges in the way that she swayed her hips..Nothing can speak more volumes that the awkward silence that trailed this perfomance let alone her attempts to justify that Simon was turning her down to get on her nerves. I have this new saying I came up with after watching this clip: Red Shirt, Red Flag, Run. I just hope those voices in her head can sing better than she did and I would say next time she signs up for something, it should include a room with white, padded walls.